Every Smile is a Direct Achievement

I rediscovered my love for running this weekend. Finally. Crawled out of bed early on Saturday (okay by like 8:30 so not that early) and drove down to the river to do a 10 miler. Broke out the fuel belt for it's first run of the season. Set my watch and just started running. Ah, glorious solitary running. In fact, it wasn't completely solitary, which might have been the best part. I ran the first few miles with my headphones in, chugging along at a good clip. Just past the Mass Ave bridge, CO came up behind me and we enjoyed a very nice chat for a mile or two. Turns out her boyfriend, C, is back from his US tour and had a wonderful time, she's still enjoying her job (though had a pretty lousy day on Thursday)and has spent the summer running, visiting family in NH and relaxing as much as possible. CO and I ran until the BU Bridge and then parted ways. I trotted along all the way down to the Elliot Bridge, pushing myself when I had the energy and backing off when I felt tired. I really think this is key, and one of the biggest reasons why I hate the treadmill now.

I know treadmill runs are good - they force you to keep a certain pace, even when you get tired and you build endurance. But I find so often that I'll get a fit of energy and not want to increase the speed on the stupid machine and I end up losing the energy and then feeling tired and psyching myself out. The natural ebbs and flows of my energy during a run just cannot be utilized on a machine.

So on I went, rediscovering my love/hate relationships with Gu (Chocolate Outrage this time) and sipping on my water, appreciating the pockets of shade and pushing through the sections of hot sun. Just when I was starting to feel like mailing in the last mile or so, I ran into TNT Chris just before the bend down to the Longfellow Bridge. He didnt even notice me at first so I tapped him on the shoulder and he reversed his course and we jogged along all the way back to, and passed, my car. One last reverse and we ended up back at Vivian, catching up on what we've been up to for the past 9 months or so since we talked. Crazy to think how much has happened, and yet running generally has stayed the same.

Took Sunday off to rest (and nurse I touch of a hangover from too much Reisling the night before) and had another good run on Monday. Might try to run tonight before pilates, but we'll see. Also, may or may not be running with AG tomorrow night - have exchanged a few emails over the last week or so and she suggested a running date. I'm trying not to get my hopes up, but we'll see.

Also want to remind myself of something I read in RW yesterday - to take care of my body. This include everything from stretching to what I eat to taking days off and remembering to moisturize. I find that I can get too wrapped up in things and my increased stress/anxiety level leads me to rush through things without appreciating the time or act. I want to take a minute before I do almost anything now and just breathe and clear my head. As a yoga teacher once said in class, focus on your intention, have purpose.

I think this ties in nicely to the quote on my Yogi tea bag today - every smile is a direct achievement. Be purposeful and take care of yourself!!!

Training Day 4

Have set myself up with a pretty ridiculous training schedule for the BAA Half on October 12, but I have high hopes. Granted, so far I havent actually been able to run my goal pace for more than 5 or 6 minutes, but Ive got time! Ive actually tacked on an extra two weeks to my training to get a better sense of what a realistic time goal should be. I ran the Pittsburgh "Just a Short Run" Half in 1:52:53, which I was pretty proud of - breaks down to about an 8:20 mile. I'd like to shoot for a 1:45:00 time for BAA, but that means shaving 20 seconds off a time that I cant even run right now. However, I really believe part of it is that Im stuck on a treadmill. While I realize treadmills are good for tracking pace, etc, it really just SUCKS to run indoors. If only I had a 1/4 mile track I could run around! I might go in search of one in the coming weeks, if only for a run here or there. We'll see! Did an easy run today (40 minutes) and banged out about 4.2 miles, just wasn't really feeling it. But Ive got a nice lazy long run tomorrow morning with K so hopefully thatll be fun, even if it's not fast!

Trying to eat more consciously - have rekindled my love affair with Fiber One bars and try to remind myself at each meal that Im fueling my body to run. Yes, I should still enjoy the food, but I didn't want to pump myself full of sodium today so I didnt get a soup bowl at Wagamama and opted for a chili shrimp dish over noodles instead. Got some veggies, got some protein (enhanced by the cup of edamame pods - YUM) and enjoyed the noodles and spice quite a bit. And didnt even end up eating all of it b/c I was quite satisfied with just half. All in all, an excellent lunch.

Now to scheme up a good dinner....

The Big 2-7!

Thought I'd start my hottest year off on the right foot (haha) this morning with a run. Knew I'd have a bit of a time crunch b/c I had to get to work early today, but still got in a good 3.5-4 miles and it was gorgeous outside! Perfect birthday weather. Spent a lot of time listening to my body - pushing myself and then backing off, just kind of playing with my pace. Don't actually know exactly how fast or slow I was running, but realized it doesn't matter! Got back from my run and popped a few cherries in my mouth while waiting for S to get out of the shower and chugged some water. Felt a little woozy in the shower, but this is also my first day off the Pill - which I imagine is to blame!

Am now sitting at work in a cute little skirt, enjoying a big breakfast of hot vanilla cereal and a large banana - should keep me going for quite a while!!

Making mental note to drink more water this afternoon. Finally feeling more relaxed since my meeting with my boss went well - just hope I can do everything I've promised to do in the next 12 months! In celebration of being done with the meeting, wanting salt, and continuing to appreciate my new-found skill in making pizza, I am currently enjoying two more slices of my veggie pizza from last night!



Have also been thoroughly enjoying some organic Rainier cherries - on sale for the same price as regular reds! Thought I fear I may have indulged a bit too much....time for a walk!!

Enjoyed a lovely hour out in the sun and gluttenously purchased a fabu new running/exercise outfit. I'm mucho excited for my run with T this weekend and can't wait to try it all out!! Came back and decided to have the rest of my cherries for a refreshing treat:

And for a bit of energy before pilates I've enjoyed one of my latest obsessions:

Have decided to start taking photos of my meals both to learn to appreciate them more and to keep a record, but hopefully only in a good way. If I find a meal that really keeps me satisfied, I'd like to remember it! So....breakfast! I went from feeling satisfied from my late night food to being starving in the course of my shower. Kept telling myself I should have the grapefruit in my fridge, but in honor of listening to my body, I opted for the banana I was craving and the rest of my cherries, along with a spoonful of peanut butter:

Must have nourishment! It's 11:3oam and my stomach is growling. Again, in the interest of listening to my body, I've decided to feed it and opted for my latest obsession: PB&J, but upgraded with Jean Louis Provence Kitchen Lavender Jelly. Pure decadence! I'm also having a coffee to pep me up a little bit and added some half & half to keep me full a little longer:

And of course, time for a little afternoon indulgence:

And apparently since the ice cream only holds me over for about 3 hours, repeat open-faced PB&J, but no coffee this time:

I think a cup of green tea might hold me over until I head home now. Have opted for about 1/2 of a large Granny Smith apple and may now have my tea....

Went to WF after work and picked up some Ranier cherries and pizza fixings. Decided that I wanted some chocolate so got a bag at CVS as well. Got home, was very glad to see S and made a big veggie pizza:

I felt pretty satisfied after the first slice but knew I'd be hungry again soon if I didn't have the second so I enjoyed it. Had another handful or two of cherries and then some Hershey's Dark Miniatures. I think I had 5, which I'm kind of OK with, they were tasty!



Time for a good night's sleep and to wake up as a 27 year old!!!

Back to basics

Decided to scrap the vegetarian thing. Realized it was just another attempt to find enough rules that I would be forced to lose weight by restricting what I eat. Had chicken last night for the first time in over two weeks though. It was really wonderful - S made a thai basil dish with jasmine rice and diced chicken. Yummy. Have chosen to go back to the basics and re-read the Intuitive Eating book that I picked up some months ago. This means no more weighing myself on the scale. No more counting calories. No more allowing myself to feel guilty for eating something and no rewarding myself for restricting. It means eating what I want, when I want it, and stopping when I'm satisfied. Right now, my goal is to listen to my body and learn to stop when I'm no longer hungry. Listened well yesterday, but woke up feeling anxious today. Knew S was heading to NYC today and I think the anxiety from that carried over. Decided to do a run outside, rather than at the gym because I wanted to just run until I felt like stopping, rather than setting a distance or time goal. Felt really good, actually, and chose to do a couple of 1/2 mile repeats with some sprints added in for variety. I felt tired, but happy when I was finished and headed home for some breakfast (had a plum and some pine nuts before my run - which was key!!). Had a banana with PB and a cappucino, did some knitting in front of the TV and took my time getting ready. Lasted until around 11:30 before I got hungry again - partially because everyone around me was talking about being hungry, I think. And the meeting I've been worried about for the past week got moved AGAIN, which threw off my schedule.

(Speaking of schedules, when did I become so dependent on a routine? I find an undeniable link between breaks in my routine and my lapses in judgement with food. Even if it's something small, like S going to NY, which doesn't cause me much stress, I think, it threw off my morning a little and as soon as I got out of bed, I was feeling the pull of the kitchen. I don't get it!)

(Side note 2: I had a moment in the elevator last night on my way home from a run with Al that I don't want to forget. It seems like a lot of my friends are in a bad way right now, KM, AR, KW, etc. And I wish I could bear the weight of their problems for them for a while. But I also realized, just before I walked into my apartment and unloaded all of their problems on S, that my priority is him now. For one of the first times ever, I walked in, said 'hello', gave him a kiss and asked how he was doing, rather than talking about everyone else's issues. I did talk to him later in the night about AR, but the fact is that he can't really do anything so no reason to burden him with it.)

Looking forward to Pilates tonight, hoping to enjoy some sushi afterwards and watching some of the All Star game (maybe I'll see S on TV) while I do some knitting. I know, crazy life I lead!!

Funky

I think I'm in a funk. Generally, I get up in the morning, go to the gym, have my day and then relax at night. Lately, all I've done is eat, sleep, eat more, sit around being depressed about how much I've eaten, and then go back to bed. I ran on Monday but haven't worked out since. I skipped Pilates last night and I've been eating everything in sight. Got on the scale this AM and almost cried - 128lbs. That's almost back up to where I was before I even lost any weight in 2006. How is this possible? What's wrong with me??

I spoke to my friend S on Monday about vegetarianism and I've decided to give it a shot for the next 30 days. In addition to being vegetarian, I've also committed to giving up most processed foods - no processed crap sugars, no junk, etc. Also, no alcohol, except for the night of the 12th, when we are going to a friend's house for a dinner party and she has planned a lovely menu, including Prosecco, bless her heart. I'm hoping that the natural cleansing of my body will help turn my mood around and give me the pep that usually resides in my step.

So far (been vegetarian since the 1st) I've noticed that I have to stop and think much more about the foods I eat. When I went to Whole Foods today, I instantly started thinking about salmon sushi and crab cakes. I didn't for a second think about red meat or chicken though. I wonder what that means. I've also noticed that I'm not as thirsty today (probably since I didn't work out).

I'm also working on just accepting the feeling of hunger. I've provided myself with enough food each day to sustain my body. But, for now, I'm going to stop obsessing over my feelings of hunger because I'm beginning to think my body has learned that all it has to do is tell my head that I'm hungry and then I'll get to eat more.

I'm really hoping my BBQ tempeh dinner tonight goes over well, and I'd love to have energy tomorrow to go for a short run before going into work early (9-5 tomorrow so I can volunteer at the yoga studio). We shall see....

Side note, contacted an animal shelter today and am very excited about the prospect of getting a dog. Got a weird feeling about the shelter though b/c it's based in Indiana and they would transport the puppy to us, but we wouldn't get to meet it first. I'd really hoped to meet the puppy we get before deciding on it. I hope P puts us in touch with the MA branch so we can actually meet some dogs in the coming weeks. More to come on that later.

Miscellany

my mind is kind of all over the place today so some random thoughts:

1. i LOVE greek yogurt, but i can see how it would be easy to gain weight if i sat down with a tub of it, some granola and a spoon. SO, i had this little portion-controlled wonder today:

Perfect Snack
2 soup spoonfuls of Fage Total
1 handful of fresh blueberries
sprinkling of natural granola
drizzle with wildflower honey to taste

2. i'm so anxious to finally have a "good" run again. it's been so long since i got up, went for a run, and it was fun and easy. though i think part of that is my growing distaste for the treadmill. BSC does not have good channels so i'm stuck watching shows i don't enjoy, which causes me to look at the time passing every 5 seconds. the 2.5 mile loop by the apartment is good, but i'd love to find an easy 4 mile route, even if it include the 2.5 miler and then some on the end. hmmm....must check out gmap-pedometer to see what i can come up with. times like this i wish i lived in the 'burbs!

3. my kryptonite is eating past 8. hands down. that's my downfall. last night i did okay, though i should have cut myself off at 8, even though i wasn't finished with my dinner. but at least i stopped after that. i think i can pretty much eat what i feel i need to eat during the day from now on, as long as i know to cut it out at 8!!

4. nervous about seeing AG tonight at the race in town. i know she's training for a 5k PR and she was not understanding at all during the St. Patty's race. finally had to tell her to just go ahead of me and it really frustrated me. i never ditched her in a race. ever. and i feel like tonight might be the same.

5. speaking of AG, S thinks it's time to make my peace with the fact that i have lost her to her new relationship and that i need to admit that i was never the priority in her life that she was in mine. i sometimes get angry about this but, for the most part, i'm just sad. positively heartsick, actually. it's just this overwhelming sense of disappointment and lack of acceptance. i've lost my running buddy and i'm lonely.

just about as random as i'd assumed this post would be, but such is life.